Can you and I for a moment be humans? Let’s drop the titles, masks, and games for a bit and be brutally honest. We say we love people. Every human seems to insist they do. However, we live with humans and we know not everyone knows how to love well. Our spouses, parents, coworkers, friends, and down the line have all been sources of you and I questioning love.

So, here’s my question: What do we actually mean by “love” when we throw it around all day? When we say we love others, what does that look like? Do our actions show it? Maybe even scarier, are we using “love” to hide the fact we can’t really love or be loved?

Loving Them or Love Having Them?

Maybe you can relate to this, as a kid or a spouse (or both, like me). I haven’t exactly been a shining example of love. One of my biggest takeaways from Easter weekend was how much better Jesus was at loving people than I am. Brutal honesty? It crushed me. Looking back, I saw how unloving I could have been to my kids, my ex, my colleagues, everyone. My defenses were baked into my being. I never felt safe with people.

Monday morning after Easter, I just couldn’t shake my kids. Fear got in the way of everything: apologies, trying, showing up, being present. Vulnerability? Forget about it. I “loved” them, sure, but what did that even mean to them? During my drinking and early sobriety, there was a lot of silence and confusion. They deserved better, a better story. In the end, I was still choosing myself.

Here’s the thing about love: it’s not about us. When we think we love someone, we often don’t truly consider them. Love demands that we lay our egos down and let go of control, that we accept and risk. We’re too busy thinking about them. We fear them, put them on a pedestal, or use them to puff up our egos and avoid our issues. Doesn’t sound familiar? Well, I have issues.

Naked & Unashamed

Genesis 2:25 tells us humanity was “naked” and “unashamed.” That’s right before the serpent messed up our narratives. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they saw themselves differently. Shame showed up, and everything changed. It makes sense, then, that whatever God would do to fix the world would involve dealing with that shame. Shame gets in the way of love for us humans.

Fast forward to 1 John 1:5-10. John summarizes the message he had heard and been passing along:

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”

John talks about light and walking in it together. When he says confess our sins, he doesn’t mean to God. He means to each other. That’s where apologies come in, vulnerability, accepting others, listening without judgment, and letting go of control. This is about humans being real with each other. The result, for John, is that people can finally be open again. It is hitting undo on the whole Genesis 3 mess. It would seem that something we lost back then was our ability to love.

John is famous for talking about love. He next reminds us to show God’s love by doing what we were taught (2:5). Then he jumps right in with the new-to-him commandment Jesus gave: love each other, the way he loved us. That’s how everyone will know we’re Jesus’ disciples (John 13:34-35).

John says this about Jesus’ command: Love is a new commandment, true in him and potentially in you, because the darkness is fading and the true light is already shining. We just have to keep walking in it. Whoever says they are in the light but hates their brother is still stuck in the dark. Whoever loves their brother lives in the light, and there’s nothing to trip them up (2:8-10).

To See & Be Seen

We could spend forever going back and forth between John, 1 John, and Genesis. The point is, John connects our ability to love others with walking in the light. He basically says love is an exact reflection of our faith, kind of like how James talks about actions showing faith. Christian or not, can we be real with each other? Are we willing to see others, and be seen ourselves, without hiding?

For John, our ability to love like Jesus loved is the measuring stick for whether the Gospel is working, whether we’re dealing with our junk. As a parent and a partner, trying to love that way forces me to get real honest with myself. There’s no middle ground. Love can’t be about other things except the people we love. Humans are not a means to an end but the end itself. John, through his writings, makes it clear that the agape love of the cross, the kind of love that forgives enemies even when they hate us, that’s the love we’re called to.

The good news? If we take John (and Jesus) at their word, this kind of love fixes things. It fixes things in our lives and, if enough of us are

Let’s ditch the titles, masks, and games for a bit and be real. We say we love people. Every human seems to think they do. But then we live with them, and let’s be honest, not everyone shows love well. Our spouses, parents, coworkers, friends, the whole damn list, have all left us questioning what love even is.

So, before we peace out of this moment, here’s my question: What do we actually mean by “love” when we throw it around all day? When we say we love others, what does that look like? Do our actions show it? Maybe even scarier, are we using “love” to hide the fact we can’t really love or be loved?

Loving Them or Love Having Them?

Maybe you can relate to this, as a kid or a spouse (or both, like me). I haven’t exactly been a shining example of love. One of my biggest takeaways from Easter weekend was how much better Jesus was at loving people than I am. Brutal honesty? It crushed me. Looking back, I saw how unloving I could have been to my kids, my ex, my colleagues, everyone. My defenses were baked into my being. I never felt safe with people.

Monday morning after Easter, I just couldn’t shake my kids. Fear got in the way of everything: apologies, trying, showing up, being present. Vulnerability? Forget about it. I “loved” them, sure, but what did that even mean to them? During my drinking and early sobriety, there was a lot of silence and confusion. They deserved better, a better story. In the end, I was still choosing myself.

Here’s the thing about love: it’s not about us. When we think we love someone, we often don’t truly consider them. Love demands that we lay our egos down and let go of control, that we accept and risk. We’re too busy thinking about them. We fear them, put them on a pedestal, or use them to puff up our egos and avoid our issues. Doesn’t sound familiar? Guess I have issues.

Back To Creation

Genesis 2:25 tells us humanity was “naked” and “unashamed.” That’s right before the serpent messed things up. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they saw themselves differently. Shame showed up, and everything changed. It makes sense, then, that whatever God would do to fix the world would involve dealing with that shame.

Fast forward to 1 John 1:5-10. John summarizes the message he had heard and been passing along: “This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”

John talks about light and walking in it together. When he says confess our sins, he doesn’t mean to God. He means to each other. That’s where apologies come in, vulnerability, accepting others, listening without judgment, and letting go of control. This is about humans being real with each other. The result, for John, is that people can finally be open again. It is hitting undo on the whole Genesis 3 mess. It would seem that something we lost back then was our ability to love.

John is famous for talking about love. He next reminds us to show God’s love by doing what we were taught (2:5). Then he jumps right in with the new-to-him commandment Jesus gave: love each other, the way he loved us. That’s how everyone will know we’re Jesus’ disciples (John 13:34-35).

John says this about Jesus’ command: Love is a new commandment, true in him and potentially in you, because the darkness is fading and the true light is already shining. We just have to keep walking in it. Whoever says they are in the light but hates their brother is still stuck in the dark. Whoever loves their brother lives in the light, and there’s nothing to trip them up (2:8-10).

To See & Be Seen

We could spend forever going back and forth between John, 1 John, and Genesis. The point is, John connects our ability to love others with walking in the light. He basically says love is an exact reflection of our faith, kind of like how James talks about actions showing faith. Christian or not, can we be real with each other? Are we willing to see others, and be seen ourselves, without hiding?

For John, our ability to love like Jesus loved is the measuring stick for whether the Gospel is working, whether we’re dealing with our junk. As a parent and a partner, trying to love that way forces me to get real honest with myself. There’s no middle ground. John, through his writings, makes it clear that the agape love of the cross, the kind of love that forgives enemies even when they hate us, that’s the love we’re called to.

The good news? If we take John and Jesus at their word, this kind of love fixes things. It fixes things in our lives. If enough of us are leaning into it, it can fix things in the world too.