At the end of Genesis 2, right before the shrewd serpent enters the next chapter, it states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25). This last verse describes the state of Creation before the Fall happens. This is how things were meant to be: one flesh…naked and unashamed. But, this changed and is a reality we are well familiar with in our significant relationships or lack thereof. Your present company was the worst of sinners here.

“Therefore”

The bible verse before “naked and unashamed,” however, was perplexing to me for a while: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” In this culture, no man “left” his family – women did. It was common to live with your parents and then take over. Sure, people would trek off occasionally but it wasn’t like our world. Lifespans were significantly shorter and the options were a bit more limited than today. Their culture was not ours.

And why is this the implication? It makes sense that a man and a woman, to be one, would have to be unattached from their parents. This makes even more sense when we sit honestly with how many “mommy” and “daddy” issues we are currently dealing with in the tensions of our existing relationships. There still had to be more to this verse.

The “therefore” connects this idea to God’s creation of Eve. The plot, since it matters, goes something like God made everything in the world good and humanity is considered “very good.” However, there’s this lesson included: something wasn’t good—man was alone. This is a stark statement coming from the God of Genesis who just spoke existence into being. The text does this intentionally to make a point—it’s not good for us to be alone (then goes out of its way to suggest we’re not animals but I digress).

Not Just About Spousal Relationships

This is not just about spousal relationships. In this ancient Middle Eastern, sacred text from the Jews, this story was about the origin of humanity and themselves. The notes laid here by ancient Jews, written in their way from their perspective, suggest reasons why our world is as it is. The first chapters of Genesis are about the origin of all humanity. This was not about Adam and Eve. This is about how we are as images of God today and what’s wrong with the world. In this Creation God just rested from, a part of God’s intention was that humans would be creative and orderly partners in this constantly unfolding Creation. It’s why we have jobs and connect with people. There is no getting around the importance of relationships now. Science and cultural awareness have made it difficult to shrug off our ignorance.

The Origin of Life and Humanity

It’s within the context of the unity between a couple that more life would originate from. It was a blessing God gave humanity – “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). And we have. God would not speak again, “Let us make man…” From then on, humanity would be making humanity, and we would do it in our image. It is beautiful that the origin of every human I encounter was birthed out of the mingling of two other humans. It’s also why, for all of us, our origin and backstory matter, especially when we’re not dealing with it. This lesson could also easily apply to America’s churches at large.

Here’s a free fun question we don’t have time for, “If we are to leave our father and mother, who were Adam & Eve meant to leave?”

Leaving Father and Mother: The Overlooked Passage

A quick observation: this passage does not highlight the woman leaving her father and mother. Sometimes that’s the case with texts but the implication that a woman would also have to leave is there. In fact, the way this passage is taught within the contexts of conservative Evangelicalism is often so one-sided that they leave off the cultural-norm-shattering text that “male and female are created in [God’s] image.” It’s easy for us to read into ignorance our own well-established beliefs. It’s also easy to shrug off entire lessons for a simple nuance that doesn’t sit right with us. What I’m saying is don’t miss that women are a part of this leaving their father and mother too here.

To imply anything from the specificity of the text it’s that the command is given to men to leave their father and mother, not women. Psychologically, this makes sense to me. Women, to have a healthy relationship, know that their issues with their parents can get in the way. We’re really familiar with how our parenting influences our children now. Of course, a woman needs to “leave” her parents too. However, the command was given here to men. I used to be curious why….and then recovery happened.

Battle of The Sexes

Today, it’s never been more obvious that women are just as much human as men. We also all know that biology and neurology aren’t the same. It’s a shame that it took our world this long to give an entire half of our population their voice back. An older male friend of mine talked about how surprised he’s been at women’s sexual vigor. He might be, but my generation and younger are not. The assumption that women didn’t/shouldn’t have sex drives is so preposterous, I’m shocked we went along with it so long—other than I’m not because we’re humans.

In the last 100 years, women have finally been able to have the “freedoms” that men claimed only were theirs. I doubt that even women sitting in a fundamentalist church, if they were allowed to, would disagree that the situation for women worldwide has improved. They may have some but’s and some what-about’s, however, look around and compare it to a rewind of 150 years ago. Things are objectively better.

An Objective Crisis of Identity

The subjective side may not be better. Our world is having an identity crisis, and America in particular feels torn in half. I’ve met people who have gotten a passport just so they can “get out of here.” Our globalization went from eventual to exponential. There are ample digital connections and worlds to lose ourselves in now. Our close relationships have had to make room for more “relationships.” Others have gone the other way and retracted inwards. This was me for most of my drinking and sobriety. If we were to pull a random sample of humans from today and at different times of history, and just put the person’s consciousness under a microscope, how much “healthier” would it be? This, I’m not sure of.

Facing Ourselves: The Real Struggle

I’m convinced that coming to terms with the whole of our lives is an essential part of obtaining peace and experiencing heaven on earth. It’s fundamental to changing the deepest parts of who you are. Our origin, who we are, how it matters, and how we walk out our narrative are all parts we love to assume we have down…we do not.

There has been a well-documented problem, especially in the first generations of psychologists, therapists, and mental health workers who pursued their careers as a means of self-protection and importance. What’s documented is that these people project their own inner child/parent issues onto their clients. They, in some sense, create an Oedipus complex. These people need their clients to be broken to feel like they are needed. I did something similar by living vicariously through inspiring others as a pastor.

If you have family in the mental health field or you work in the mental health field, you know what I speak of. This problem is not unique. It’s a human problem. We all project our problems outwards. Facing ourselves is always the hardest thing to do. Always. We think it’s the outside stuff we face that makes and breaks us—it isn’t. It’s our reactions. This all, here, is part of what it means to leave your father and mother: to go off on your own, to take the next chapters and write your own narrative, to tell your own story rather than it being told for you. This takes faith. It’s what Abraham would do later and part of the blessing he was meant to pass on to the world too.

The Challenge of Leaving

It can feel stable when we allow the past to dictate the present and future. It’s subconscious when it’s our origin story telling us to stay put and not leave our “father and mother.” It’s deep when we put our faith in the fathers and mothers who’ve gone before us. It is not faith when you only stay in “your country and your kindred and your father’s house” (Genesis 12:1). Ideally, this leaving of our parents should be healthy and natural, encouraged and fostered. We have a bit of a world that’s reacted to parents but understanding on both sides here quiets finger-pointing quickly.

Your child isn’t “your kid.” You are also not your parent’s child. In some sense, you also can never avoid this part of yourself. We are a human, period. Our kids will exist after we’re gone, just as the world will keep ticking on. Your legacy is not what they choose to hold on to but what they can do with it. If there’s an obligation in the parent/child relationship, it’s from the parent to the child and not vice-versa. We ought to avoid the master/slave mentality – it crushes.

Leaving Behind the Legacy

The legacy we leave behind should not be one of control but of empowerment. It’s about enabling our children to make their own choices, to carve out their own paths, and to live lives that are authentically theirs. It means letting them prove us wrong and take things in unexpected directions. Too often, parents impose their identities, worldviews, unrealized dreams, expectations, and fears onto their children. In doing so, they risk stifling the unique individuality and potential that their children possess.

To leave father and mother isn’t just about physical departure. It’s about being able to confront psychological and emotional attachments. It’s about being able to call BS on your parents when they’re wrong and about letting our kids do the same so they don’t have to deal with our issues. It’s about recognizing that while we are shaped by our past, we are not limited by it. The transition from child to adult is marked by the realization that we are responsible for our own lives, our own decisions, and our own beliefs.

The Courage to Face the Unknown

Leaving our fathers and mothers, in the broadest Genesis 2:24 sense, is about embracing the unknown. It’s about stepping out from the shadows of those who have gone before us and forging our way forward. This takes courage. It’s a leap into uncertainty, but it’s a necessary leap if we are to live fully and freely.

This process is not without its challenges. The ties that bind us to our past are strong, and it can be tempting to remain in the familiar, to cling to what we know. But growth happens in the unknown. Transformation occurs when we step outside of our comfort zones and confront the world with all its complexity and ambiguity. We learn things about ourselves.

Finding Our Voice

As we leave our father and mother, we have to “honor” the reality of the narratives handed down to us. We have to make our own decisions with it to write the next chapters. We begin to write our own stories, in our own voices. This is not a rejection of our heritage but an affirmation of our personhood and responsibility. It reminds us why our kids and theirs matter. It reminds us that there are a lot of others in this world. It’s an acknowledgment that we are part of a larger story and have our unique role to play.

Finding our voice means listening to the inner stirrings of our souls, trusting our instincts, and daring to be different. It’s about breaking free from disingenuous expectations and living in a way that is true to who we are. It’s about authenticity, about being real in a world that often values conformity over originality, control over acceptance, and blame over responsibility.

A Journey

The journey of leaving father and mother is ultimately a journey of self-discovery. It’s about peeling back the layers of conditioning and expectation to discover who we truly are at our core. It’s about reconnecting with our deepest desires, our most profound dreams, and our truest selves.

This journey is not a pretty line. It’s filled with twists and turns, setbacks and breakthroughs. It feels like death sometimes. It’s a journey worth taking because it leads us to a place of greater freedom, greater authenticity, and greater fulfillment. It leads to our kids and lets our kids then lead.

Embracing Our Humanity

In leaving father and mother, we embrace our humanity, along with our parents, in all its fullness. We accept that we are flawed, imperfect beings who are nevertheless capable of incredible growth and transformation. We acknowledge our past has shaped us and we had a part. We recognize that we have the power to create our futures, to write our own stories, and to live our own lives.

This is the essence of what it means to be human: to grow, to change, to evolve. It’s about shedding our animalistic egos, facing ourselves, stepping into our freedom, embracing our responsibility, and living in a way that is true to who we are. This is always about how we relate and engage with others. The temptation is to shift blame out and deny reality on the inside. Understanding and vulnerability are crucial to being naked and unashamed.

The Call to Courage

So, as we contemplate the call to leave father and mother, let us do so with courage and love. Reacting is not the response – we’ve had enough of that in human history. Embrace the unknown, find your voice, and embark on your journey in this Creation. Let us live in a way that honors our past but is not bound by it. Let us leave a legacy not of control, but of empowerment. And let us, in the process, become fully and authentically human.