Savior In Chief – Almighty Trump
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Trying Writing Right This Time
What's changed is me, finally. I'm not done yet, but there's been an embarrassing amount of issues, from minor to deep hidden, that just aren't the same anymore. When I finally learn something, I tend to learn it. It's all or nothing with me often. The writing was held back before by too many insecurities and dysfunctions. I am ready for something different. It's arrived, and now I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Shedding Layers: My Journey of Deconstruction Here
The lead-up to Easter was a whirlwind of emotions. Layers of insecurity peeled back, revealing a raw sense of self. It was both terrifying and exhilarating. Sobriety had brought progress, but purpose remained elusive. I was deconstructing the "me" I thought I was, desperately searching for the "me" I was meant to be. Fear, especially the fear of what others thought, had long been a snare. But as I surrendered to a higher power and embraced the true Gospel message, a newfound peace settled in. It wasn't about escaping the storm, but learning to navigate it with a more open heart. "Egongelical" – that's the word I came up with to describe this new faith journey, one that integrates psychology, mindset, and a healthy understanding of self with the core tenets of Christianity.
An Abridged Sobriety Journey: Dealing with my inner children
I tore myself, humans, and gods apart looking for answers to get a handle on myself. I got some 2 and a half years ago. I kept flailing for a while, picking things up along the way. I wasn't a small ship. I was a freight liner. Changing directions makes its own waves.
Unmasking Love: Beyond the Facade of Validation
Genesis 2:25 tells us humanity was "naked" and "unashamed." That's right before the serpent messed up our narratives. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they saw themselves differently. Shame showed up, and everything changed. It makes sense, then, that whatever God would do to fix the world would involve dealing with that shame. Shame gets in the way of love for us humans.
Likes Don’t Last: My Social Media Detox and Recovery Back
A lot has changed. A lot. My beliefs, personality, practices, habits, etc.
A lot has not changed. My beliefs, personality, practices, habits, etc.What had started as a retreat to deal with insecurities became a journey back to find my actual voice and to put out into practice what I only had been working on in "here". Shame was a part of it, again. Fear of disapproval, what people might think of me as compared to who I was, their judgments of my recovery, and harder ones had to be reprocessed.
To Be Our Kids: Facing My Reflections and Shame
When we're all born and conceived even, we know nothing but the world we are being brought into. The world already existed. Your terrestrial experience began as a thing that was brought into the world of other humans. You are your parents' child - it's a fact you can never get away from. No matter what I say or think, the role of the parent in my life was the only connection I had in the world I was brought into. It is where your story starts.
A Reluctant Journal Convert: An Unexpected Gift
The act of translating thoughts into written words is a surprisingly mindful process. It forces me to choose language, consider structure, and reflect on my handwriting. Seeing my thoughts laid bare is a powerful tool for self-discovery. Sometimes, rereading entries reveals inaccuracies or forgotten details. Journaling helps me adjust my thinking patterns and develop healthier self-talk.
Voices in My Head – Learning to Talk to Myself
"What do you feel when you're talking to yourself?", they answered without hesitation "Guilt." That guilt and shame about talking to ourselves actually keep us in the same patterns and thinking the same thoughts that produce the behavior that produces the life we wish would be different than it was. And I am so good at it.
The Many Ends of My Selves: Sobriety, Excuses, and the Kid I Used to Know (Update 3.16.24)
Sobriety began on September 11, 2021. It was a Saturday. The morning started around 4 am with me staring at the ceiling of the Neurobehavioral Inpatient as a suicide risk.…
