“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”

– Alan Watts

Change is a peculiar beast—it can be both sudden and slow, unpredictable yet constant. It isn’t a neat, tidy process—it’s messy, unpredictable, and takes time. Sometimes, it feels as if the human psyche and reality themselves are too fluid and stubborn. Untangling the threads of oneself while sorting the complex web of Reality—and doing it in a world full of other humans—is no unique challenge. It’s a fundamental aspect of living as a human. Much of life is about navigating this or sometimes avoiding it. We all want the world around us to change, but we rarely consider that we’re the ones who need to change. Humans can be so irrationally reactive that we end up repelling the change that was meant for us right back onto the world.

As 2025 unfolds, its significance remains uncertain, but one thing is clear: change is in the air. This year happens to be the Chinese year of the Snake, and the snake archetype holds deep meaning for me (i.e., “shrewd as a serpent but innocent as a dove“). 2025 is a good year to shed the remaining layers and old versions of myself so a newer, more real version can keep emerging. Looking back, there’s a long pile of shed skins I held on to for three decades.

A Reckoning With the Past

Before this time last year, I made one of those all-in, no-holds-barred decisions of my life: I left an Arby’s General Manager position and went out on my own. I needed more financial resources to meet my obligations and fix some things—more than that, I needed to build a life that could support me as a father and deal with the financial obligations. A past riddled with 33 years of unresolved issues and six years of outright avoidance left me drowning in my wreckage. That decision wasn’t made lightly, and it was a rough beginning. It was fueled by a mix of recognition, desperation, manic determination, torn values, and the realization I’d been living an inauthentic life.

I had this all-or-nothing mentality—a trait common among addicts and, let’s be honest, some pastors as well. It’s still there a bit. I threw myself into trying to build something, but the road was littered with trial and error. After searching for work and picking up gigs, enough opportunities piled up that I restarted my “backwards” marketing and development business. Behind the scenes of Drunk Pastor was my daily work with Stigma Marketing & Development, where a lot of the passion and authenticity I was uncovering poured over into my business, aligning work with spirituality and faith.

Building Something Real: The Genesis of Stigma Marketing & Development

Leaving Arby’s forced me to confront a brutal reality about finances. I had been the General Manager—a position that provided a semblance of stability—but even that was merely a fix to cover the hassle of child support, taxes, and an easy path that allowed me to avoid deeper issues. It was a good job and great people – I have a number of good relationships from Arby’s and am really grateful for my time there. Despite the progress and positive things there, I earnestly wish I could have done a better job there. There was a lot I was still learning.

In truth, however, the GM role wasn’t enough to cover the costs of a life shattered by decades of avoidance. I was also not “meant” to manage a fast-food restaurant as a career path. The plan for my exit into another career disintegrated almost as soon as it began. I found myself scrambling, applying for every job I was qualified for and hustling for marketing gigs wherever I could.

As my business started to take shape, I reached out to an old MBA Marketing professor for coaching. His question was simple and brutal: “How much money do you really need to make?” I didn’t have an exact number off the top of my head, so he sent me home to do the math. When I finally crunched the numbers, the result was staggering—a financial portrait of years spent in denial, reckless spending, and the aftermath of early recovery that left me drowning in debt and unable to afford a life with my children in it.

That financial reckoning pushed me to pivot hard. I realized I could channel my long-standing passion for people and marketing—a love affair that began back in high school with HTML and Photoshop—into something that wasn’t just about survival but about authenticity. It was important and intentional from the start that I create not just a marketing company but a development company as well. I had to figure out how to integrate a development arm into my work—a challenge that framed the rest of the content that followed and explained why everything matters. It’s strange, but to me, Drunk Pastor and Stigma aren’t separate beasts; they’re two sides of the same coin. Both represent my journey—spiritually and professionally.

Over time, I began to “accept” that I was a business owner and even an entrepreneur. The not-quite-completed MBA and a couple of decades of professional experience were merging into a solid, aligned, and harmonized approach that integrated spirituality, authenticity, service, growth, and meaning into one holistic vision. Rather than simply helping me focus more on “work,” common workday tasks served to bring me back to what I’ve been learning and what was happening in the world at large. It was rather distracting.

Little by little, I was beginning to realize that the vision and philosophy I now held were transcending into—and through—marketing and business. The lofty, ivory-tower ideas we all want to believe in can work and do; they’re just a little “weird” compared to how things have been done for centuries. The fact that creating a brand, website, or social media presence for someone would also stir up all the same deep spiritual concepts I was experiencing in my journey was something that—well—it stirred up a lot, and there was a lot to process. Along the way, I experiemented with developing an Authentic Marketing Philosophy & Model that would be “anti-fragile” in the coming era of AI super-intelligence. I wasn’t going to start a company that would be obsolete in a few years!

I envisioned Stigma as an “upside-down” company—one that defied the conventional focus on profit and gimmicks in favor of genuine value and relationships. I began small, landing a few monthly retainer clients, developing training packages, and offering free suicide prevention workshops to organizations. Alongside these efforts, and with a small group of people, we started laying the foundation for Every Human’s Journey—a flagship pilot program for Stigma with the potential for personal development and recovery. EHJ has already been through beta, debrief, edits, feedback, and assessment creation. We’re now in the process of creating the group workbook and setting up test groups, preparing to release the program in a structured test phase that will inform the next steps.

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”

 – Albert Einstein

It was embarrassingly hard for me to get here. Every day was a battle against the fear of success and the suffocating weight of self-doubt. Working for myself meant there was no boss to keep me in line–no cushy, low-risk job to keep me safe. In most projects, every marketing gig felt like trudging through waist-high mental molasses—slow, laborious, and filled with echoes of old habits and ingrained insecurities—with occasional breakthrough moments. Every small step—securing a retainer client, journaling in the morning, nailing down a marketing package, daily meditating, collaborating with other business professionals, making mistakes, receiving authentic feedback—served as a reminder that the messy, painful work was slowly but surely paving the way for something natural and sustainable.

The Faith Journey Along the Way

I kept scribbling my unfiltered thoughts about Scripture, Theology, and the modern world and kept on with the inner work that had been as brutal as it was necessary. In private, I revisited notes, journalling sometimes a few times a day, and mapped out aspects of my past. Publicly, a good chunk of writing was raw processing of facts and theory—an attempt to reconcile the discrepancies between the modern American church, what I understood as authentic Scripture, and what’s been happening within myself.

Last summer, I dove into more research after stumbling upon The Immortality Key, which forced me to confront and wrestle with the first-century context of Christianity. It began separating me from the Western systematic theologies I’d been entrenched in as a pastor. As such, it opened up an entire world of new questions and exploration. It was like the faith I had always wanted was suddenly within me, and it demanded to be figured out.

That was almost a year ago now. What I didn’t realize what would happen is that the mystical, historical, and theological implications of the research and evidence Brian barely scratched had opened up a Pandora’s Box of what’s behind 1800 years of Church History, Theology, and practice. Never before was I more free, and trebidly so, to finally explore and wrestle with Theology and Reality. The implications would weigh on me and drag me behind for a while. Now that I was able to have my own opinions and stand on my own work, there was a lot more work to do.

A Shattering Experiment on Easter

Easter of 2024 was a Standing Stone moment. In an experiment that was as desperate as it was sincere, I “gave my life to Christ.” It wasn’t a tidy, scripted moment—far from it. It was surprising and impromptu. That decision wrecked my world in ways that sobriety alone never could. I felt as if I were being turned inside out; a new way of living was forcibly taking root amid the wreckage of my old self. I was naïve enough to think then that one intense, spiritual experience could instantly wipe away decades of pain and destructive habits. Instead, I learned that those fleeting mountaintop moments are only the tip of the iceberg. The real work—the soul-crushing, painstaking grind—happens in the valleys, where you’re forced to confront the darkness you’ve long avoided.

That 2024 Easter, I came face-to-face with two undeniable truths: I needed to earn back my kids’ relationships back and there was still more baggage that had kept me from being the father they deserved. I had spent years making promises I never kept, inflicting pain on those closest to me—my ex-wife bore the brunt of my immature bullshit for years, a failed church plant drained hundreds of thousands of dollars, and countless personal betrayals left scars that will always be visible. I was sick of the quick-fix mentality; we so often search for shortcuts instead of being the fix ourselves. Spiritual progress isn’t a switch you flip; it’s a constant choice and a grueling battle against the residue of our past. My children were tired of their father’s bullshit and I know how that feels.

Business Now

My business start-up fits the stereotypical, spare-bedroom scene where caffeine fuels way too much, and THAT is progress! Stigma Marketing & Development has two distinct yet interwoven sides: Development and Marketing. The Marketing side is the front-end service that brings value to clients through the development of brands, websites, and digital media. This means everything from hosting and website development, logos and messaging, to digital media strategies that encompass social media, email campaigns, content strategy, and content creation—all integrated with a coherent, authentic strategy. Stigma has a few ongoing partnerships here now.

In tandem with forging client relationships, building key connections within influential networks has been a focus. I’ve developed relationships at Hellgate Venture Network—whose leader now serves as my new business coach—and with the Montana Nonprofit Association, of which Stigma M&D is an active member. These networks are crucial not only for growth but also for aligning my work with a broader mission of genuine service.

A Stigma website update, long overdue, is underway. I needed time to figure out the language, refine the model, and wrap my head around everything else going on. Now, I’m excited about having something to grow where I can check off more milestones, which will eventually allow me to have more fun with writing, marketing, and Drunk Pastor—one step at a time.

It took months to start conceptualizing how I could extend my expertise into development, especially given my background and the questionable job history I carried with me. Most people don’t immediately associate development with marketing, so it took significant work to define what value I offer businesses. That was then—now, Stigma proudly boasts a Development side that is set to propel it into the future and create more opportunities through serving people.

As mentioned, the launch of Every Human’s Journey (EHJ) is progressing well and naturally, if a bit slow for my old tastes. We’re completing the group workbook and setting up test groups to further refine the program. The next steps include running these test groups, releasing the program to the public, evaluating our results, creating a journal, and beginning marketing efforts for EHJ. We’ve laid the foundation for an evidence-based program that will be free for anyone to use, while the material itself remains protected by copyright and trademark. I plan to start a Stigma-led EHJ group at a set cost as the program grows.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

– Brené Brown

Looking ahead, there are tentative long-term plans for EHJ that include courses, training, and certifications, though we’re currently adhering to an MVP/Lean Startup model to ensure we’re doing it right. Additionally, some more long-term initiatives on the horizon include developing Stigma’s suicide prevention and recovery model.

Current training packages for 2025 include:

• Free 1-hr Suicide Prevention Training (Also, a 3-hour QPR with 1 CE credit).
• Get Out of the Box: Inspired by concepts from Leadership & Self-Deception and Lean Startup, this program is designed to help break out of the limiting “boxes” that hinder growth—not just in relationships and teams, but in personal and professional life.
• The Authentic Marketing Crash Course: A program covering the basics of marketing for individuals and small teams, from upside-down funnels and content creation to AI integration and local networking—all viewed through the lens of authenticity.

Recently, Stigma has been invited to present a suicide prevention seminar in May at a conference in Bozeman, MT, and I’m actively pushing free training sessions locally in Missoula (with remote options available…*cough*…faith communities). Furthermore, a free Missoula community suicide prevention event is in the works also for May—in partnership with two nonprofits, featuring two guest speakers, and leveraging connections from the networks I mentioned earlier to target business owners and community leaders. This event took an immense amount of work to set up, but I’m thrilled to have the critical components in place.

Marrying Spirituality with Business

There’s a common myth that business and spirituality exist in separate realms. I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit. Everything we do is spiritual because we are spiritual beings—regardless of our individual beliefs about the metaphysics of spirituality. This intrinsic spirituality is what makes us capable of relating and connecting on a deeper level. Ignoring it in business creates masks, gaps, assumptions, drama, and inconsistencies. Leadership, after all, is a spiritual role.

Every aspect of life is imbued with spirit. Whether we’re grappling with the teachings of Scripture or trying to innovate our business model, the underlying drive is the same: to create among and serve with humans authentically. My business side of life isn’t just a means to an end; it serves people and will fund a life of meaning where I can be present for my children and empower the work on Drunk Pastor.

I’ve spent countless hours meditating, praying, and journaling as I confronted the deepest parts of my past. In 2024 alone, I filled four full journals with raw reflections. Anxiety is an ongoing battle. With every word penned, I keep seeing not just who I was but who I can become. Now…it’s been a “process,” and still working on it, but I’m grateful for where I am now.

That same raw drive has fueled my work at Stigma M&D, leading to the development of an Authentic Marketing Philosophy & Model—a framework I believe can improve and simplify how we think about business and marketing. This framework will be encapsulated in an ebook, the Authentic Marketing Crash Course, covering everything from unconventional funnels and content creation to AI integration and local networking—all filtered through the lens of authenticity.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

– Steve Jobs

This isn’t another marketing guide designed solely to churn out profit–it’ll be free (i.e., a “lead magnet”. It’s a manifesto—a call to reclaim the true essence of connection in a world overrun by hype and gimmicks. The “secular” realm of business is merely another canvas on which the spiritual is painted, reflecting the unfolding of God’s Creation. Marketing was always meant to be authentic, not fake; it works better that way. It’s time to call out the bullshit, tear down the masks and gimmicks, and build something that’s value-based, service-driven, and unapologetically authentic.

9 Months Left in 2025

The journey so far has felt agonizingly slow at times. I’m still the father who can’t afford to see his kids and the recovering alcoholic with work to do. But also, I’m no longer that man who spent decades avoiding hard truths and was unable to be real. Every mistake, every failure, and every victory has been a lesson—an opportunity to learn what life truly means.

Looking ahead to 2025, I’m both excited and nervous about what lies ahead. Gratitude is something that helps keep me grounded and checks my ego on tough days.

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