Jacob’s life was a drama-filled nightmare.

The story of Jacob does not make sense unless his life is remembered within the context of his family and their story in Genesis. Abraham enters the scene as the first official family member to break from the flow of spread of sin in Genesis. It’s not just that he’s willing to leave his family and home. His character was different.

Jacob’s Father And His Father’s Father

Abraham didn’t choose the easiest path; he fought for the enslaved, adopted people, gave generously, didn’t take a second wife (ignore Hagar for now), and was hospitable. In Genesis, some things that stand out about him are that he doesn’t take by force and he’s willing to trust in something more than just the chaos of the world. He is good and has faith. He trusted that his story was a part of something much bigger. And he was far from perfect.

So too his family. Abraham’s family arrangement wasn’t simple: one wife-two moms, one bastard son, one “promised” son, plus any daughters and family members left unmentioned. Isaac was the child promised to Sarah and Abraham and whom the Jews would come through. When we read Isaac’s story, it feels like a condensed regurgitation of Abraham’s. Isaac makes some of the same mistakes and maintains the relationships his father had. Ishmael, Abraham’s not-promised but planned son (how does that not mess with someone growing up?), drifts from the main storyline of Genesis.

Isaac begets Jacob and Esau. “When Isaac was old and his eyes were dim so that he could not see, he called Esau his older son and said to him, ‘My son’; and he answered, ‘Here I am.'” (Genesis 27:1). Isaac tells Esau he’s going to give his final blessing but first sends Esau to make some food. Isaac’s wife, and Esau’s mom, Rebekah pushes Jacob to trick Isaac and steal Esau’s blessing. Using Isaac’s poor eyesight, Jacob pretends to be his brother.

Controlling The Narrative

It worked. Jacob pretends to be Esau to steal Esau’s blessing. It isn’t surprising that later in the story, Jacob runs for his life with nothing to a distant land because Esau wants to kill him (this is when God met him at Bethel). Jacob was a trickster, always playing a game with people. It created issues for him. The family he would father would quiver in the shadow of his character.

When we fast-forward to later in Jacob’s life, he has two wives, each wife has a concubine they use to birth children when they can’t, and the wives debate and haggle over who gets to sleep with Jacob. From these four mothers, Jacob has 11 sons. It’s assumed that he also had daughters. Eventually, his boys would turn on his favorite son, Joseph. They debate killing him but decide selling him as a slave is more gracious.

Jacob’s family has drama and issues. We can forget that these stories are about humans and that it was messy and not so cleanly scripted as we read them. Jacob was selfish and his family was a crap show. When his favorite son falls prey to the children Jacob fathered, Jacob’s lifelong pursuit has born its fruit. He now swam in the wake of the mess he made.

The Story Is Never Done

The story isn’t done, though – Joseph’s was beginning. The fact our stories aren’t the only stories provides hope for all of our stories. After being a slave and prisoner for 14 years, Joseph’s faith finally pays off in Genesis. The conflict that sin introduced by eating the Tree of The Knowledge of Good and Evil, which led to a brother killing a brother in the next chapter, finally had a resolution. A family ripped apart by sin has found hope in faith and forgiveness when Joseph said to his brothers, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Genesis 50:20).

Before this but after his family had been reunited in Egypt, Joseph introduced his father to Pharaoh. Pharoah, delighted to meet Joseph’s father, asked Jacob how old he was. Jacob answered, “’The days of the years of my sojourning are 130 years. Few and evil have been the days of the years of my life, and they have not attained to the days of the years of the life of my fathers in the days of their sojourning.’ And Jacob blessed Pharaoh and went out from the presence of Pharaoh” (Genesis 47:9-10).

It’s telling that Jacob “blessed” the head of an empire so casually. It’s a nod to Abraham’s call to be a blessing to all nations. What is more telling, for me, is how Jacob described his life in comparison to his fathers: “Few and evil.” In this epic story, evil is a word we pay attention to, especially knowing how it’s about to be used by Joseph in a few pages.

By the end of Genesis 47, seventeen years have passed in Egpyt and Jacob is lying on his deathbed. Joseph is told his dad is ill so he brings his two sons: it’s time for their blessing. When Joseph gets there, “it was told to Jacob, ‘Your son Joseph has come to you'” (Genesis 48:2).

Restoring The Narrative

When Israel saw Joseph’s sons, he said, “Who are these?” Joseph said to his father, “They are my sons, whom God has given me here.” And he said, “Bring them to me, please, that I may bless them.” Now the eyes of Israel were dim with age so that he could not see. So Joseph brought them near him, and he kissed them and embraced them. And Israel said to Joseph, “I never expected to see your face; and behold, God has let me see your offspring also.” Then Joseph removed them from his knees, and he bowed himself with his face to the earth. And Joseph took them both, Ephraim in his right hand toward Israel’s left hand, and Manasseh in his left hand toward Israel’s right hand, and brought them near him. And Israel stretched out his right hand and laid it on the head of Ephraim, who was the younger, and his left hand on the head of Manasseh, crossing his hands (for Manasseh was the firstborn).

Genesis 48:8-14

Beyond good and evil or cursing and blessing, another thread running through this story is from when Jacob stole his blessing. Just as with Isaac, Jacob’s eyes are dim. He has to ask who it is that he’s blessing. Just as with Isaac, two boys need a blessing – one younger and one older. Jacob spent his life with someone else’s blessing. He wanted to do this blessing differently.

So, he crossed his hands, placing his left on the boy to the right and his left on the boy to the right. It seems Jacob finally understood something.

When Joseph saw that his father laid his right hand on the head of Ephraim, it displeased him, and he took his father’s hand to move it from Ephraim’s head to Manasseh’s head. And Joseph said to his father, “Not this way, my father; since this one is the firstborn, put your right hand on his head.” But his father refused and said, “I know, my son, I know. He also shall become a people, and he also shall be great. Nevertheless, his younger brother shall be greater than he, and his offspring shall become a multitude of nations.”

Genesis 48:17-19

Notice how Joseph was “displeased” and corrected his father. Notice Jacob’s response: “I know, my son, I know.” Imagine understanding something as a father finally and understanding why your son hasn’t yet.

Let’s Sit With Jacob

Let’s skip how Joseph’s blessing plays into this or how Jacob’s name flips back and forth from Israel. And we’ll stop the story there. Let’s sit with Jacob.

Let’s talk about that experience of looking back at the entirety of our lives, looking at our present circumstances, and being unable to shake the weight of our role in it all. This is where Jacob was. Did he live like Esau, Jacob, or Israel? Did he screw up his family? How much unnecessary pain did he spin up in his family? What did all his fixing and games and avoidance and wrestling create? What story did he tell his family? What would happen after he’s gone? What was the point?

Can you feel his weight? Are there situations that don’t you want to come to mind because you don’t want to acknowledge them? Those are the situations Jacob was facing on his deathbed. I wonder what it was like to live in comfort, in Egypt because your children sold your favorite child and that child on his own – without his family – became second only to Pharaoh, and welcomed his family with forgiveness?

Father’s Day

I can tell you how it hits me this Father’s Day. I used to let victim and slave mindsets sneak in too much. It distanced me. It made me avoid. It made me shut down. It made me run. It made me distracted. It made things disappear and other things exaggerated. It still can drive me into depressed emotional thought storms. It’s all the bullshit I drank from. It’s the “everything” they talk about in AA to stop drinking (the phrase is “It’s easy to stop drinking. You just have to change everything.”). It’s why I don’t take risks or why I knew I would collapse under the weight of a church plant.

We think about the conversations we’d have with others. There are honest conversations we often need to have with ourselves first. The hard truth for each one of us is that the only common denominator for the problems in our lives is ourselves. My “problems” involve other humans, humans I love and want to love better. Their stories are a part of this. I’ve hurt enough people and caused enough damage. For my three kids, they are beginning their story.

No Story Is Ever Done

Jacob’s story wasn’t done. It changed and I’m not sure if he could hear it. He spent 17 years in Egypt with his family. He got to witness a new chapter being birthed. He got to see his grandkids taking the first steps of the stories they would live. I doubt he ever thought a recovering pastor would blog about him. His blessing was passed on and the story changed. It just took him doing things differently.

Being a parent means our stories aren’t our own. Our kids start with ours but it is always their story. We are a blip in a series of stories. Let’s remember how small our story is and how much more our kids’ are.