“The whole law is fulfilled in one word:
‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” – The Apostle Paul 

“What is truth?” Pilate asked Jesus, a question that still echoes through philosophy, theology, and modern comedians. Considering who Pilate was looking at, it could just as easily have been, “What is love?”—a question just as profound, just as contested, and just as essential. I found myself wrapped in such a discussion last November at my stepdad’s wedding. His colleague (PhD in Social Work & something else?) contended that love is hard to define because it looks so different for each person. It was a fair point, but something about it didn’t sit right. The conversation lingered, gnawing at me in the way good questions do.

I wanted—perhaps a bit naively—to offer something new, like a fresh, grand articulation of love that hadn’t been done before. But the deeper I searched, the more I found love, in its highest form, had already been well-defined. Yet, brilliant modern thinkers like Brené Brown, whose work I deeply respect, have sometimes approached love as something subjective and for our private/home life, built on a personal connection. Even this warrants the question: how does that connection happen for the individual?

Bell Hooks, in All About Love, captures the tension around taking love seriously well:

“Taught to believe that the mind, not the heart, is the seat of learning, many of us believe that to speak of love with any emotional intensity means we will be perceived as weak and irrational. And it is especially hard to speak of love when what we have to say calls attention to the fact that lovelessness is more common than love, that many of us are not sure what we mean when we talk of love or how to express love.”

Isn’t this part of the problem? In the upper tiers of human institutions and leadership, love is often pushed aside as impractical, sentimental, or even naive. Yet, if love is the highest virtue (or even just one of them), if agape—that self-giving, unconditional love—is the truest form, then it is both a scientific reality and a spiritual calling. Another way of saying that is, “If Love is one of the deepest subjective drives of every human, shouldn’t we be more objective about it in all areas?“

I did not love well in the past. Just to begin subjectively understanding Love this way has not come without pain, and I suspect I’m not alone. I envy those who have modeled it so well and am deeply grateful for it. They were the people who got me out of my self-pity while there was ample resistance and self-justification. I have a hunch this is also not uncommon, as with Hooks’ quote above, in church, politics, and business. To love fully means we need to make room for it and, possibly, do things we don’t want to.

Love, it turns out, is not so hard to understand on paper. It is a pain in the butt for a subjective individual to integrate completely. Still, if love is understood—if agape is available—it calls us all to love, to accept love, and to love all.

For the Christian, the call is more pointed: Jesus had one “new” command and Apostle Paul taught Love is more important than Faith (1 Corinthians 13). Paul understood if we pursued Love, we would also have Faith – it takes faith to live out love.

“Love is the highest gift of God, humble, gentle, patient love.”

St. Augustine (354-430 AD)

The Complexity of Love

Love is a term so widely used that its meaning often seems diluted. Dictionaries offer various definitions, ranging from deep affection and romantic attachment to familial bonds and selfless care for others. Merriam-Webster, for instance, includes definitions such as “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties” and “unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.” However, these definitions assume much and fall short of encompassing the profound reality of love as we live and experience it.

Love is not merely an emotion, though it produces emotions. It is not simply an action, though it spurs action. At its core, love is a posture and willing mindset to see and be seen, to understand and be understood, to accept and be accepted, and to let go and embrace. It is when we choose to value someone, experiencing them without barriers and allowing ourselves to be exposed with them, that we have authentic connections.

The Greek Perspective

We love tacos, pets, and kids – and use the same word for it all. The Greek language, particularly in the New Testament, distinguishes between four different words for love:

• Eros: Romantic, passionate love
• Philia: Deep friendship
• Storge: Familial love
• Agape: Selfless, unconditional love without expectation (even for enemies)

The term ἀγάπη is nearly absent in Homeric and early classical Greek literature. When it does appear, it generally refers to a sense of affection or contentment rather than a deep, selfless love. In Jewish-Hellenistic contexts, particularly in the Greek translation of the Hebrew Scriptures (the Septuagint, LXX), agápē was used to translate Hebrew words like ahavah (love), particularly when describing God’s love for Israel or the love between people in a relational or virtuous sense.

Agápē, a concept that early Christians redefined (Matthew 5:44, 1 John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 13, Romans 13:8-10), represents the pinnacle of these forms of love. It transcends feelings or circumstances, prioritizing the well-being and dignity of others without expectation of reciprocation or obligation. Agape does not exclude other forms of love but rather integrates them within our lives.

Neuroscientific Insights into Agápē Love

Recent advancements in neuroscience have deepened our understanding of the biological foundations of agápē love. While much of the research on love has focused on romantic attachment, neuroscientists have identified key mechanisms that differentiate self-giving love from passionate or attachment-based love. In other words, humans, agape is something we all know and are capable of.

“Love is the foundation of all the virtues.”

St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274 AD)

Functional MRI (fMRI) studies show that selfless, prosocial love activate brain regions involved in empathy, reward, and social bonding, including the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC), anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), and ventral striatum. These regions are crucial for perspective-taking and intrinsic motivation to help others. Oxytocin and vasopressin¹, neuropeptides associated with trust, bonding, and caregiving, play a central role in sustaining unconditional love and altruistic behavior.

Neuroscientist Dr. James Fallon explains, “The neural circuits of maternal and altruistic love overlap significantly, relying on oxytocin and vasopressin receptors to reinforce caregiving behaviors.” Agápē love is not just an abstract ideal but a biologically ingrained trait for selfless awareness, acceptance, and gratitude. We always carry the ability to love with us as we live and move.

Psychological Perspectives on Agápē Love

From a psychological standpoint, agápē love encompasses the concepts of compassion, altruism, and self-transcendence. Research into prosocial behavior and well-being suggests that expressing unconditional love enhances both the giver’s and recipient’s mental health, fostering resilience, reduced stress, and increasing life satisfaction. Studies, plural, find practicing agape love activates neural pathways related to altruism and compassion, enhancing emotional well-being and social connectedness.

“Love God, and do what you will.”

St. Augustine (354-430 AD)

Carl Rogers’ concept of unconditional positive regard, a foundational principle in client-centered therapy, mirrors agápē love by emphasizing deep acceptance and empathy without conditions or judgment ². Similarly, Dr. Martin Seligman, a leading figure in positive psychology, highlights love’s central role in human flourishing, stating, “Other people are the best antidote to the downs of life and the single most reliable up.” The Empathy-Altruism Hypothesis (Batson, 1991) further shows true selfless love arises from deep empathetic concern rather than obligation or expectation of reward.

In essence, agápē love represents an innate human capacity to care for others beyond personal interest, driven by both biological wiring and psychological well-being. It is not merely a philosophical ³ or religious concept—it is a scientifically observable force that shapes relationships, mental health, and social harmony.

Dr. Stephen G. Post, a researcher in altruism and love, argues, “It’s good to be good. Science says it’s so.”

Living in the Reality of Agápē Love

Modern neuroscience and psychology are only now uncovering what the New Testament has long commanded: humans are designed for selfless, unconditional love—not just as a moral ideal, but as a lived reality that transforms individuals and communities. The Bible’s call to love is not a vague sentiment; it aligns with the very neural, hormonal, and psychological mechanisms that shape human flourishing. Scripture presents agápē as not merely an emotion, but an active, intentional way of living that reflects the deepest truths of human nature.

• Love God wholeheartedly – Jesus affirmed that love begins with total devotion to God, aligning one’s heart, mind, and soul with His nature. (“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37)
• Love your neighbor as yourself – Rooted in both compassion and social bonding, this command reflects what neuroscience confirms: humans thrive in empathetic connection and mutual care. (“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 22:39)
• Love one another as Christ loved us – Jesus’ model of self-giving love mirrors the neurological basis of altruism and prosocial behavior, demonstrating that true love is sacrificial. (“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” – John 13:34)
• Love your enemies – This radical command challenges the brain’s instinct for tribalism and self-protection⁴, instead fostering the neurological pathways for empathy, forgiveness, and transcendent love. (“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:44)
• Let all that you do be done in love – Far beyond fleeting emotion, love is meant to shape every action and decision, reinforcing the psychological principle that consistent prosocial behavior strengthens neural pathways for compassion. (“Let all that you do be done in love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14)
• Bear with one another in love – Long-term relationships, whether friendships, marriages, or church communities, require resilience, patience, and the neurological reinforcement of trust and belonging. (“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2)
• Love in action and truth, not just words – This command anticipates modern psychology’s understanding that love is most powerful when expressed through concrete actions, rather than empty affirmations. (“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” – 1 John 3:18)

Far from being abstract ideals, these biblical commands align with what science now affirms: humans are wired for selfless, sacrificial love, and when we live in alignment with this design, we experience greater connection, meaning, and wholeness. The call to agápē love is an invitation to live in the fullness of how we were created—to love as Christ loved, not just hypothetically, but biologically, psychologically, spiritually, and in every dimension of life.

Love and Truth: The Neuroscience of Forgiveness

Love cannot exist apart from truth. Authentic love requires honesty, empathy, and presence, because only in truth can real healing and transformation occur. We can’t accept something if it is misunderstood. We will refuse to be loved if we refuse to be accepted as we are. This tension highlights the crux of our issue with agape love – forgiveness.

Modern neuroscience and psychology confirm that forgiveness—perhaps the purest expression of agápē love—is also one of the most difficult acts for the human brain to process. When we experience betrayal or pain, the brain’s amygdala, responsible for processing threats, activates our fight-or-flight response. This is why holding grudges, seeking revenge, or categorizing people into rigid assumptions feels natural—it protects us from further harm.

“Love is the measure by which we shall be judged.”

St. John of the Cross (1542-1591)

Yet, the New Testament calls us beyond this biological instinct. Jesus didn’t just command forgiveness⁵; He demonstrated it, knowing that true love must transcend fear, resentment, and self-preservation. C.S. Lewis, in The Four Loves, wrote, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” This “ultimate good” requires truth, because without it, love becomes distorted—either enabling harm or becoming self-serving rather than sacrificial.

The reason we struggle with love is often because we struggle with forgiveness. Forgiveness forces us to move beyond our brain’s natural wiring for self-protection and into the realm of self-giving love. It is a conscious decision to override resentment, reframe past wounds, and choose reconciliation where possible. Studies in psychology confirm that forgiveness rewires neural pathways, reducing stress and improving emotional well-being, reinforcing what Jesus taught long before modern research: forgiveness isn’t just for the one who is forgiven—it frees the one who forgives. It’s an act of faith.

Perhaps this is why we find agápē so elusive. It is not that agápē isn’t understood or attainable—it’s that we often focus on the waves rather than the Savior walking above them. When we fixate on our pain, our fears, and our past, we stay trapped in survival mode, resisting the very love that could heal us. But when we step out in faith—choosing truth, choosing forgiveness, choosing love—we align ourselves not only with Christ’s commands but with the very design of our brains and souls.

“To forgive is divine.”

The Church and the Call to Love

The New Testament places agape love at the heart of Christian life and theology. Jesus himself set this standard, saying:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” 

John 13:34-35

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the renowned theologian, wrote, “Your love for one another is the measure of your love for God.” The church’s credibility rests not on its programs, size, or eloquence but on its ability to tangibly live out the love it proclaims.

The Necessity of Love in Human Well-being

Psychology and neuroscience affirm that love—particularly selfless, unconditional love—is foundational to human well-being. Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs situates love and belonging just above basic survival, emphasizing their critical role in mental health and personal development.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading researcher in attachment theory, states, “Love is not the icing on the cake of life. It is a basic primary need, like oxygen or water.” Her research shows that secure attachment and love are crucial for emotional stability and overall health.

If love is this essential, then why does it often feel so absent in our communities, churches, and relationships?

Love Begins at Home

If love is truly foundational to human flourishing, then its most crucial testing ground is in our closest relationships—our families. Agape love must first be realized in our homes before it can authentically extend outward.

Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his work on marital stability, emphasizes, “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.” This friendship, rooted in agape love, forms the basis for strong families and, by extension, strong communities.

But the reality is, many people struggle to find love in the very places it should be most present. Families are broken. Churches become places of judgment rather than healing. Our workplaces can be soul-sucking, family headaches, and friendships dramatic. Then there’s the news. The world feels more divided than united.

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”

Brené Brown

Love in Action: A Call for Agapology and Sola Agape

For too long, the Church has operated without fully embracing agape love as its central guiding principle. Sola Agape—love, as taught and modeled by Christ–should be the sole guiding force in the application, mindset, and function of the Church. All Five Solas point to this. This is not just a theological concept; it is the very foundation of how we interact with one another and engage with the world. Jesus himself declared that love is the highest commandment, yet we have allowed nationalism, ego-driven worldviews, and doctrinal disputes to overshadow the radical love He called us to.

This is where Agapology comes in. We are in desperate need of scholarship and research that emphasizes agape love, not only in theology but in leadership, structure, and practice. If “God is Love,” should not our theological scholarship, social media, and ecclesiastical reputation reflect it? The academic world and Church leadership have neglected the centrality of love in their teachings and research. Agape love is not merely an ideological concept to be debated; it is the method by which we rewire human perceptions, heal emotional wounds, and transform communities. The Church should be in this work, leading both spiritually and scientifically in a way that demonstrates real, practical love in action.

“Love is the root of all virtue and the remedy for all vice.”

Catherine of Siena (1347-1380 AD)

The absence of agape in Church practice and scholarship has had devastating effects, from the violence justified by distorted theology to the emotional harm caused by self-righteous judgment. Love—true, selfless, Christ-centered love—must be the lens through which we see and engage with the world. If the Church returns to this core principle, we will not only heal the divisions within the Body of Christ but also offer hope and healing to a broken world. The time for Agapology—the study and application of agape love—is now. And the time for Solo Agape—Jesus’ love as the sole guiding principle of the Church—is overdue.

The call for Agapology and Solo Agape is supported by both scientific research and spiritual wisdom. Neuroscience has shown that practicing selfless love activates brain regions associated with empathy and social bonding, reinforcing the biological basis for agape love. Psychology affirms that unconditional love enhances mental health and fosters resilience.

It’s easier to be afraid.

By recognizing these realities within biblical teachings, the Church can create a powerful framework for transformative love that integrates spiritual, physical, social, and emotional needs. This holistic approach to love has the potential to revolutionize not only individual lives but entire communities, fulfilling the Church’s mission to be a beacon of hope and healing in a fractured world. Some may even call it “holy.”

Defining Love

Considering the longstanding nature of agape love and the wealth of evidence surrounding it, defining love shouldn’t be as challenging as we often make it. Something I wasn’t anticipating was how plainly it has been defined by so many. More than a hundred years ago, C.S. Lewis said, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” Scripture provides a clear example and proposed definition in 1 John 4:16, which is radically simple. The fact Christians have such a functional definition of agape is what ought to give it such life. Authentically care for everyone without ego, attachment, assumptions, or expectation, and be willing to sacrifice the latter for the former.

Love is the unconditional, selfless commitment to the well-being of others, free from ego, attachment, or expectation.

Love is the unconditional, selfless commitment to the well-being of others, free from ego, attachment, or expectation of reciprocation. It’s about freedom and life. It looks forward, not stews on the past. It is a god-given quality and right we choose to accept and trust. It’s an ideal we sacrifice our Egos to.

It is a choice to value and accept others completely. This love extends to all, including oneself, and is rooted in a deep trust in the inherent worth of every individual as part of God’s creation. It manifests as a willingness to be vulnerable, to proactively forgive, and to persistently seek the good of others, regardless of circumstances or personal cost.

Our difficulty in grasping this concept stems from our subjective experiences and preconceptions. Love may appear different to each of us partly because we harbor unhealthy views and assumptions, often driven by a desire for self-protection. Our struggles with vulnerability and forgiveness frequently originate from a struggle to authentically experience love ourselves (a topic for a future blog post) or others, and to trust in our place within God’s creation. We are often too fearful to fully believe and embrace this love. The radical simplicity of love is precisely what makes it challenging for us, and highlights why the Gospel was so radical. A lack of faith could be one reason we don’t fully trust or experience it.

The Ultimate Witness

The Beatles’ lyric “All you need is love” may seem simplistic, but when understood as unconditional acceptance rooted in truth, it becomes a profound reality. As in, it might actually be true. The call to love is not merely an aspirational command but a functional necessity that underlies our humanity, spirituality, and relationships.

“To love is to act intentionally, in sympathetic/empathetic response to God and others, to promote overall well-being.”

Dr. Thomas Jay Oord

The world is desperate for a love that is real, selfless, and transformative. It is not found in empty words, Ego, religious legalism, or near-sighted fleeting experiences, but in daily choices to embody authenticity, curiosity, and love.

As individuals and as a society, we have work to do in fully embracing and embodying this love. It is a lifelong endeavor that challenges us to face our own brokenness and extend grace to others. But when we get it right—starting in our homes and extending to our communities—it has the power to transform everything.

In the words of Martin Luther King Jr.:

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.”

The world can only know us by our love. The question is—are we willing to have faith to live it out?

*Footnotes

1. While oxytocin fosters bonding, it can also foster in-group favoritism and social isolation. Agape’s call to universal love (Matt 22:39) requires acknowledging and overcoming our biases—In many ways, this is the first act to have agape.  ↩︎
2. Carl Rogers’ concept focuses on therapeutic acceptance, while agápē demands active self-sacrifice. Critics argue Rogers’ model lacks the moral rigor of “love your enemies.” ↩︎
3. Seneca, the Roman Stoic philosopher, advocated for a concept of “universal love” that bears striking similarities to the Christian notion of agápē. Both emphasize selfless concern for others and transcending personal interests for the greater good. ↩︎
4. Studies show the amygdala’s role in tribal bias 1. Loving enemies (Matt 5:44) directly challenges this wiring—researchers like Dr. Robert Sapolsky link prefrontal cortex activity to overcoming innate distrust. ↩︎
5. Research ties unforgiveness to elevated cortisol (stress hormone). Jesus’ command to forgive (Matt 6:14-15) aligns with modern findings on forgiveness reducing inflammation. ↩︎