- Favorite animal: Llamas
- Favorite color: Cyan
- Myers-Briggs: INFJ
- Spirit Animal: Kierkergaard
- Dream car: 1964 Corvette
Nobody would guess it from the title, but I’m a recovering alcoholic and a former pastor. Around five years ago, my career as a pastor came crashing down when I spiraled into alcoholism. It was more than the loss of a career, reputation, or personal pride; it was the collapse of my identity as a friend, father, husband—everything self-destructed under the weight of its own inconsistencies and fallacies. The layers I had constructed, whatever shell of a person I presented, disappeared because I had lost all control over myself.
Honestly, my sobriety now feels like an afterthought, not that I don’t take it seriously—I do, very much. When I checked into rehab for the second time, I had just finished a five-day binge, showing all the classic signs of suicidality. After an ER visit, five days in a suicide watch ward, standing before a judge the next day, and then immediately off to rehab, the only firm conclusions I had were that I wanted to live and that anything had to be better than what I was doing.
Sobriety had to be something more profound, something deeper. The last part of the 12th Step in Alcoholics Anonymous states that, after an alcoholic has a spiritual awakening, we are “to practice these principles in all our affairs.” I’ve realized that my problem with alcohol was actually a problem with everything else. AAers like to say that quitting alcohol is easy; you just have to change everything. Almost two and a half years of sobriety, and I’m exhausted by how true it’s been. I’m still far from cleaning up the wreckage of my past or facing the many inner demons I am still unaware of.
Beyond the typical recovery and pastoral subjects, I’m also a fan of psychology, science (especially physics and neuroscience), philosophy, personal growth, and some manga and biographies. A bit of a silly story, but llamas are a thing for me. While I enjoy nearly all animals (koalas are pointless), I’m definitely a dog person. I find humans fascinating, and ideas just as much so. There are plants and some random Rubik’s Cubes around my place. Techy stuff is fun for me.
The idea was pitched to me at my first rehab by a man dear to me now. It’s been a slow build and approach, but one needed and one that has refused to stop despite my own excuses. Over and over again, writing keeps coming up for me. If anything, it’s something I need to do now.