- Sobriety Date: 9/11/2021
- Favorite animal: Llamas
- Favorite color: Cyan
- Myers-Briggs: INFJ
- Spirit animal: Kierkergaard
- Dream car: 1964 Corvette
Nobody would guess it from the title, but I’m a recovering alcoholic and a former pastor. A number of years ago, my career as a pastor came crashing down when I spiraled into alcoholism. It was more than the loss of a career, reputation, or personal pride; it was the collapse of my identity as a friend, father, husband—everything self-destructed under the weight of its own inconsistencies and fallacies. The layers I had constructed, whatever shell of a person I presented, fractured because I had lost all control over myself.
Sobriety: More Than Just Quitting
My sobriety now almost feels like an afterthought, not that I don’t take it seriously—I do, very much. It’s just that there are so many other things past just what causes us to take a substance to the point of death than just actually taking a drink. When I checked into rehab for the second time, I had just finished a five-day binge, showing all the classic signs of suicidality. After an ER visit, five days on suicide watch, standing before a judge and then off to rehab the next day, the only firm conclusions I had were that I wanted to live and that anything had to be better than what I was doing.
Sobriety had to be something more profound, something deeper for me. The last part of the 12th Step in Alcoholics Anonymous states that, after an alcoholic has a spiritual awakening, we are “to practice these principles in all our affairs.” I’ve realized that my “problem” with alcohol was actually my problem with everything else. AAers like to say that quitting alcohol is easy; you just have to change everything. After more than two and a half years of sobriety, and I’m exhausted by how true it’s been. I’m still far from cleaning up the wreckage of my past or facing the remaining inner demons I may be unaware of.
Beyond the typical recovery and pastoral subjects, I’m also a fan of psychology, science (especially physics and neuroscience), philosophy, personal growth, and some manga and biographies. A bit of a silly story but llamas are a thing for me. While I enjoy nearly all animals (koalas are pointless), I’m a dog person. I find humans fascinating, and ideas just as much so. I like plants and space. There are some random Rubik’s Cubes around my place. Techy stuff is fun for me.
The Birth of Drunk Pastor
The idea for Drunk Pastor was pitched to me at my first rehab by a man dear to me now. It’s been a slow build and approach, but one needed and one that has refused to stop despite my own excuses and feet dragging. Over and over again, writing keeps coming up for me. I have to do it to get things out. It’s something I need to do now for my own health.
With that, welcome to the evolution of Drunk Pastor. I hope there is something you find of worth and meaning you’re able to carry with you.