Gratitude was one of the few things that finally made sobriety stick for me. It wasn’t perfect, and I’m still far from having it all figured out. But three years ago, practicing gratitude created enough space in my fractured, alcoholic mind for something remarkable to happen—I started seeing things honestly.

It was gratitude that helped me realize that no matter how bad I assumed things were, they were never as catastrophic as they felt. That small practice shifted my perspective. It helped me notice how much I had been missing and how often I had settled for less, simply because I didn’t think there could be more.

Cracked Open by Gratitude

Two years into sobriety, I read Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert Emmons. It didn’t just confirm the power of gratitude—it flipped the script entirely. Emmons writes, “Gratitude amplifies the good in our lives, and in doing so, it rescues us from a world that so easily draws our attention to what is broken, missing, or inadequate.”

That hit me hard. Gratitude, rather than being a feel-good optional exercise, became a non-negotiable. It’s not just something that improves life; it’s foundational to how life “ought” to be. C.S. Lewis echoes this sentiment when he says, “We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is good, because it is good; if bad, because it works in us patience, humility, and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.”

Lewis nails what we’re all missing: a posture of gratitude in all things—not just when it feels easy, but especially when it feels impossible. Nietzsche may even nod along with his Amor Fati. James the Apostle doubles down by telling us to “count it all joy” whenever we meet a variety of challenges. Gratitude comes down to how we think about the world and our part in it. For the Christian, gratitude is birthed in things like faith, hope, and love.

Yet, living with gratitude isn’t our default, or is it? It would seem that gratitude is hard-wired in us and it’s our stubborn society that is convinced otherwise. It would seem from our own sciences and spiritual traditions that it may in fact be normal and we are the ones off. Something about the human “condition” makes gratitude feel unnatural. Even when we know it’s good for us, we resist it, and I don’t think it’s just laziness. Our resistance runs deeper than that. It’s fear.

The Neuroscience of Gratitude

Modern neuroscience supports what philosophers and theologians have long suspected: gratitude rewires the brain. Studies show that regularly practicing gratitude activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and serotonin—those neurotransmitters responsible for happiness and well-being.

It’s not about making us feel good in the moment, though. Nor is it about wearing a fake smile or avoiding pain. It’s about learning to appreciate any moment and situation, and being content where we are. Gratitude strengthens neural pathways, making it easier for us to recognize and appreciate good things in the future. Gratitude reduces ego and makes room for others. Over time, this reshaping of our mental framework helps us cope better with stress, improves our relationships, and even boosts physical health. Gratitude helps will healthy habit-forming and in navigating difficult relationships. It may even mess with our worldviews, as it should.

Emmons puts it like this: “Gratitude is not only a response to happiness; it is a cause of it.” He wasn’t being cute. We often attempt to fabricate feelings of gratitude without living in it. Happiness doesn’t happen before we’re grateful but rather the other way around. Gratitude is a pathway we can choose. We can choose it now, and in doing so, we open the door to a fuller, healthier life. The uncomfortable truth is that when we are not grateful it is because we choose not to be.

Why Gratitude Feels So Hard

Still, even with science behind us, practicing gratitude can feel like swimming upstream. Why is it so hard? Two realities significantly can make gratitude an objective struggle. First, we have practiced complaining and comfort too much. The same neural wiring that gratitude creates is also working against us forming a discipline that seems counter-intuitive. We often have other self-defense mechanisms or areas that we just aren’t willing to go into.

Secondly, the world has changed and there are things new under the sun. While humans are still fundamentally the same, the world they’ve collectively constructed over the last couple of hundred years is not the same. We no longer are geographically constrained or locally related. The entire world is a source of instruction and teaching, as well as fun and egos. We have a global awareness along with digital worlds and subconsciously selected communities.

Here are 5 observations about the world humanity has built that can make gratitude difficult:

1. Digital Everything

Our devices are designed to grab and hold our attention. We scroll through curated lives, endless arguments we already agree with, and information overload, leaving little space to reflect on what we already have. Instead of gratitude, our default becomes comparison and distraction.

Francis Schaeffer once said, “The central problem of our age is not the lack of knowledge, but the loss of meaning.” How can we find meaning when we’re constantly disconnected from the present moment? How can we be grateful when we’re constantly trying to find the next thing or just maintain our comfortable lives? When we’re always protecting ourselves from others, we also protect ourselves from gratitude.

2. Instant Gratification

We live in a world of one-click purchases and same-day delivery. Romantic relationships have been turned into a Russian roulette of objectification and delusion. Families struggle to know how to family. We expect everything to be instant, including happiness. But true gratitude comes from the deep—it’s a slow burn, not a spark. It’s not just a discipline but is meant to become a trait, a characteristic of our lives. When we expect life to cater to our timelines, we miss the quiet, beautiful moments that gratitude thrives on. We can’t be grateful when we’re controlling everything in our life. Gratitude ought to be a perspective and posture we embody, which would mean everything we experience we would experience with some increased level of gratitude.

3. Isolation and Avoidance

Our culture prizes independence, but often at the expense of authentic connection. We isolate ourselves emotionally, keeping relationships shallow and safe. We chose our relationships and avoided all the others. Vulnerability is terrifying because it risks rejection. Yet, gratitude blooms in the soil of relationships—when we let ourselves be truly known and loved. This is where gratitude becomes an answer to the world’s bitterness. Instead of spreading gossip, we spread what we’re grateful for.

4. Broken Relationships

Unresolved conflict poisons gratitude. Unforgiveness matures into bitterness. Bitterness becomes a root that weeds itself into us. If we’re harboring bitterness or resentment, it’s nearly impossible to feel thankful, especially in regard to a person. Reconciliation may not always be possible, but choosing forgiveness—however difficult—is a powerful act of gratitude. The Apostle Paul called us to live at peace with all people if it at all depends on us. If there is anything that depends on you that could help bring peace, then start working on doing it. This will be an act of gratitude.

5. Drama Addiction

We love to point fingers at the chaos in the world, whether it’s our personal lives, political, religious, or social. It’s easier to focus on what’s wrong “out there” than to deal with what’s broken inside us. Countless loops of gossip and circles can tempt us to protect us from “having” to be grateful. It’s about ego…again. Gratitude requires us to step out of the drama and face the hard truth: the world isn’t the problem—we are.

Gratitude as a Practice

Gratitude isn’t something that comes naturally to those of us who have practiced ingratitude for a while. When discontentment is a part of your worldview, it will kill a part of you to get gratitude down. It’s a discipline—a choice we make over and over again. And like any discipline, it takes time and effort to see results. But don’t let that make you think you won’t see the benefit immediately. When we do see the benefit, hold on to those moments and reflect on them. Let them become a part of us.

For Christians, the practice of gratitude is deeply rooted in Scripture:

• “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
• “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.” (Philippians 4:6)

This isn’t about duty or obligation. Gratitude is about freedom and authenticity. You can’t make someone else be grateful, but we can be. When we choose gratitude, we loosen the grip of fear, bitterness, and despair. We reclaim joy.

Emmons reminds us, “Gratitude is the ultimate touchstone of spiritual maturity. It is a refusal to allow negativity to dominate our lives.”

Starting Small

So how to start? Start where you are at right now. Practice gratitude one thing at a time until those times start to bump into each other and then overlap. Over time, those times become a not just habit but a part of us. We become grateful people.

Be grateful, even when it feels forced. Not to fix anything, but to create space for things that already are. Gratitude, in its truest form, is about presence and being open to receiving. It’s about noticing what’s good, even in the midst of what’s hard.

It could be as small as your fuzzy llama socks, a mildly warm cup of coffee, and the person sitting next to you this Thanksgiving. Then we start practicing it outwardly, in every relationship we have. Small steps lead to bigger transformations.

Gratitude Changes Us

Gratitude is not a magic wand that erases all our problems. It doesn’t eliminate grief, suffering, or hardship. But it does change us. It cracks us open, helping us see life as it truly is: messy, beautiful, and worth celebrating. Gratitude ends up being a great remedy for shame.

As C.S. Lewis said, “Gratitude looks to the Past and love to the Present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead.” This Thanksgiving, let’s do more than list what we’re thankful for. Let us be thankful. Let’s step into gratitude defiantly—not perfectly, but persistently because there’s always something to be grateful for, even in the hardest of times. And that, in itself, is a gift.

Don’t believe all the hype out there. That’s “their” ingratitude and chaos. It need not be yours.